The Truth About Pregnancy

Being pregnant sucks.

OK, let me back up. Being pregnant is an amazing miracle and a total gift from God. Think back to health class when you learned about conception….if you don’t remember, look it up or watch this video (http://www.babycenter.com/2_video_10354435.bc)! It is simply mind-blowing that people are able to reproduce at all. Everything that happens in there to create a baby is truly miraculous.

With that being said, being pregnant sucks.

There are those people who say, “I loved being pregnant. I had such an easy pregnancy. I’m going to miss being pregnant.” Bull-honkey! I don’t buy it for one minute. Sure, there may be aspects of pregnancy that you will miss, and parts that you loved, and maybe compared to everyone else your pregnancy was easy…but you cannot tell me that you loved and will miss 100% of the experience.

And here’s why…

*Disclaimer*

If you get weirded out by reading too much personal information, maybe stop reading this post now. However, if you’ve ever been pregnant—you’ll think this is funny and if you ever plan on getting pregnant—this is something you should know beforehand because it’s the crap no one tells you.

Everyone has heard of morning sickness. I, thankfully, did not have to experience morning sickness. So, there’s really not much I can say on the topic except that I’ve heard it is awful and that “morning” really has nothing to do with it because it can hit at any time of day or night and linger for days or weeks or months at a time. I’m also not going to bore you with food cravings and aversions because from what I can tell there is absolutely NO rhyme or reason to what you do or do not want to eat.

The things I do have personal experience with are as follows:

-Sore boobs are a common PMS symptom, one I never really dealt with and therefore was my first sign of being pregnant. I don’t really know what sore PMS boobs feel like but I can tell you that sore preggo boobs hurt like the dickens. They hurt with a bra on, they hurt with a bra off, they hurt if they’re touched, and they hurt if you look at them. AND, God forbid a gust of cold air blows through….it feels as if your nipples are being stabbed by thousands of tiny knives.

-Pregnancy can cause you to be plugged up and not in your nose…if you know what I mean (although a stuffy nose is another common side effect). At first this sounds like a lovely break from the bathroom until you get so bloated and start to hurt. Let me also note that when it is finally time to get unplugged, it doesn’t matter if you’re at work, at the grocery store or on a walk three miles from home you’d better drop what you’re doing and find a bathroom  FAST because there is no stopping what is coming! And if you are able to stop it you might miss your chance and not be able to “start” it again for days.

Hey, I warned you about TMI.

-Fun fact: when you are preggo you produce higher levels of progesterone which causes your smooth muscle tissue to relax, including your gastrointestinal tract which slows down digestion (thank you babycenter.com). This digestion slowing is what causes that fun side effect above but also adds a splash of gas to the mix.

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I have been very lucky and haven’t had any issues in the southern region but I will admit that I now burp like a frat boy, which is actually pretty hysterical and awesome because until about a year ago I couldn’t burp at all (true story).  As fun as it is to belch louder than my husband, these burps sometimes appear unannounced and have even said “hello” mid-sentence which is a huge inconvenience at work.

-If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said “I am so tired” these past 14 weeks I would be able to buy the new mom-car that I want. We’ve all been tired before but this is a whole ‘nother level. This isn’t a “I shouldn’t have stayed up so late playing Draw Something” kind of tired. Oh no. This is a “I went to bed at 7:30pm, woke up at 8:00am and need to go to my car for a nap during lunch” kind of tired

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-Finally, the hormones….oh the hormones. We all know girls are nuts. And we all know that once a month girls are even more nuts. But what happens to your typical nuttiness during pregnancy is no joke. You’ve heard of pregnant ladies crying non-stop or being huge jerks to their friends, families and, of course, husbands but until you actually experience it, you really just don’t know.

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As with everything else in pregnancy women all experience different levels of different side effects and I feel as though I have been pretty good in terms of hormones (my husband may disagree). BUT, with that being said, I’ve had my moments. Exhibit A: It was a rare night when I actually had enough energy to do laundry. I went to get the whites out of the “whites basket” and found two of my husband’s black socks. I immediately sent him a snotty text message (homeboy was lucky he wasn’t home this night):

Not knowing the system was a crock of shit because I carefully explained how I wanted the laundry organized when I bought the three-compartment hamper. I then threw my phone, screamed that he never listens to me and then proceeded to cry and complete zero laundry. Thankfully, I was asleep by the time Jason got home so I saved myself the embarrassment of getting so worked up over something SO incredibly stupid.

Last week I cried at work because my cottage cheese had expired.
Enough said. 

I will happily share my craziness if it helps other preggos feel a little less crazy.