Baby Talk :: Past Due

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When I think back to this time last year I am overcome with emotion. I can't believe that on Friday, my daughter is turning ONE. 

Pregnancy flies by in the blink of an eye {even though it doesn't always feel like it in the moment} and the events and days and hours leading up to the birth of your first baby {and I imagine your second, and third...} are an even bigger blur. 

I've been taking quite the walk down memory lane lately and thinking back to one year ago and it's times like these I am so thankful for this blog and so thankful that I took the time to write down what was happening and how I was feeling. 

I came across this post written exactly one year ago on November 12, 2012 and wanted to share it with you guys once again. When I wrote this post I was 4 days past my due date. I was tired. I was sore. I was SO SO SO emotional and SO SO SO over being pregnant. I was anxious and scared and more than anything ready to meet my baby. I wanted to re-post this because I think a lot of women probably feel this way at some time or another during pregnancy but are scared to admit it for fear they'll be judged for complaining, or not being excited. There are so many emotions {thank you hormones} that come along with being pregnant and like it or not they're not all elation and happiness and excitement.

Anyways, instead of rambling on...here's how I was feeling this time last year. 

Past Due. Update. 

written Tuesday, November 12, 2012. 

Wow. 

What an emotional roller coaster the past few days have been. As you all know my due date was last Thursday, November 8th. While I've obviously known this entire time that the due date was just a guess, it's still that ONE day you have in your mind for the entire 9 months. And when you watch it come and go...it's hard. 

I really think doctors should give women a due time period with like a two week window, because the one date flashing in your mind constantly can really drive a person mad. And it has definitely driven me mad. 

Thursday and Friday were really, really hard days for me. I hadn't slept at all because I was so anxious, add the crazy hormones to the exhaustion, sprinkle on some serious discomfort and you've got yourself one hot mess of a person. ME. 

I cried on and off for all of Thursday and all of Friday. I didn’t go into work on Friday because I couldn’t keep myself together long enough to be professional. Not because I was sad the baby hadn't come but because I felt like a failure. I felt like I should be so happy and excited to meet my little girl, but I wasn't. I was anxious, the anticipation was killing me. Sitting and waiting for the worst pain of your life to start is a very strange thing. 

Then came all of the text messages. It was so incredibly heartwarming to get SO many messages from friends and family checking on me and the baby and wishing me a happy due date but it actually made everything worse. I started to feel like a watched pot. There are so many people so excited to meet this little girl and I began to feel like it was my fault that they hadn't. Not to mention I'm pretty amped about meeting her myself. 

Then there’s all the suggestions…Go for a walk. Bounce on a ball. Have sex. Eat spicy food. Eat pineapple. Drink special tea. Like it's just that easy.

I tried it all people…none of it works. 

On top of that, my sister-in-law, Nicole (Jason’s sister) flew in from Florida. She knew when she booked the ticket that there was a chance the baby could come late, but we all figured she wouldn’t be this late (Nicole left today). I started putting all this pressure on myself to get her here while Nicole was in town - like I had any control. I felt AWFUL that Nicole took time off of work and spent money on a plane ticket and may not be here to meet her Goddaughter. 

I was trying so hard to fix my mood, to be happy and excited, to not worry, to be thankful that I had a healthy full term baby growing inside of me. But for whatever reason, I just needed to be scared, sad and cry. And let me tell all you girls out there...that's OK. 

I spent an entire day alone (well, of course the puggle was there), in my bed sleeping and crying. I got it all out of my system and then stopped beating myself up. It was exactly what I needed and I found a new attitude. I woke up on Saturday feeling great. Jason and I had a wonderful weekend and while I was still impatient and still feeling anxious, I was able to go more than 10 minutes without crying.

I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for this coming Wednesday, but after the weekend I knew I couldn’t wait that long to go in. Luckily, my doctor was able to get me in this morning…and here is where we stand:

I am currently 3 centimeters dilated and 75% effaced!

Major excitement after being just 1 cm and 60% for the past three weeks.

My doctor doesn’t let patients go past 41 weeks because of the possible health risks to mom and baby. Because I am just days away from being 41 weeks, she wanted me to get a biophysical ultrasound to check the status of the baby. Basically they check a bunch of different things (heart rate, breathing, movement, amniotic fluid, placenta, etc), there is an 8 point scale and the baby has 30 minutes to complete all the things they’re checking for. If there are any concerns or the baby is in distress, induction or C-section happens right away.

Thankfully my little Nugget scored a perfect 8/8. She is doing great in there, which is probably why she hasn’t wanted to come out. So there are no concerns in terms of her staying put for a few more days. BUT because I am 41 weeks on Thursday I had to schedule an induction…something I’ve desperately wanted to avoid.

I decided to let my doctor strip my membranes to try and get labor going more naturally. If that doesn’t work I will go in sometime on Thursday to be induced. The one great thing about having to be induced is that my doctor is the doctor on staff at the hospital on Thursday. SO, at least I would have her there with me.

Giving birth naturally is really important to me and while there is nothing natural about Pitocin, I have to trust my doctor and do everything I can to get through a Pitocin-induced birth without pain medication. That is, if she doesn’t come on her own in the next two days….which PLEASE pray that she does!

Overall, I feel relieved. So very relieved. Being induced is not ideal but there is an end in sight. No matter what, my baby will be here by the end of the week.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me and for all your sweet words.

I’m sorry if I was crabby with any of you last week. J

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I can't read this post without crying because the very next day - labor started! And that Thursday, instead of being induced, my Kenley was born.