mama & mou: Marriage

Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Monday, February 17, 2014

Nurturing the Marriage

Anyone who says that marriage doesn't change after having a baby is lying. Being a parent completely changes you. It changes your interests, your schedule, your priorities. If so much of your life is flipped upside down...how is it possible that your marriage is unaffected? That's not to say, however, that the changes are negative. Watching Jason become a dad has made me fall more in love with him, as cliché as that sounds, and I feel grateful every day that this man is Kenley's father - what a lucky little girl!

But, what I'd guess to be a big "negative" impact on a marriage after baby is the amount of husband and wife time. I know for sure that Jason and I need to make more of an effort to spend quality time with each other as husband and wife not just as mom and dad.

Since Friday was Valentines Day, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get some quality Husby time in. Jason and I made a reservation at a great steakhouse downtown and then I surprised him with a night on the town and a hotel room at one of the amazing downtown hotels. And thanks to a super sweet friend who works for the hotel we got an amazing suite on the top floor and had a bottle of champagne waiting for us!

It's crazy to think that this is what we used to do EVERY WEEKEND {well minus the steakhouse and hotel room}! Boy how times have changed. I wouldn't trade our time as a family of three for anything, but it sure is nice kick it old school with my main man every once and a while. We had so much fun and it was a great reminder that we truly are best friends, we have a blast together, and we love each other more than anything.

And now it's Monday and I want to punch people in the face. J

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

A No Spend Month

HAPPY TUESDAY MAMAS! Time for....

Here's what you do:
1. Write a post about ANYTHING baby {or pregnancy} related.
2. Add my button to your post.
3. Link your post with the link-up tool found at the end of all of my posts.
EASY PEASY!

This Tuesday I'm not-so-much talking about "baby" stuff but instead linking up with my pal Erin to talk about budget and financial related things....which is totally part of being a mom, right?

Let me start by saying...

OH EM GEE, we did it!

This past month Jason and I followed in the footsteps of my financial idols, Sallie & Perkins, and attempted a "NO SPEND MONTH". That meant NO meals out, NO shopping, NO Starbucks. NADA. The ONLY things we spent our money on this month were groceries {which I budgeted}, gas and our bills. NOTHING else. OK...that's a wee bit of a lie. I did book a plane ticket but ONLY because fares were starting to go up and if I didn't book it this month I'd be booking it next month. AND the couple of times that we enjoyed a meal out or I got coffee was done using gift cards from Christmas.

Before I go into the nuts and bolts of our financial plans for 2014 and the success of our first month of the year, I have to brag about my husband. Jason started a new job with the same company in October, a sales job, and since has been the top salesman on his team every single month. He has worked so hard and has won bonus pools, received extra incentives and has given our family much more flexibility in the budget department. I couldn't be more proud of him and cannot express how happy it makes me to see my husband working a job that he really loves and is absolutely dominating. Thank you honey. ♥

Last year, I shared my handy dandy budget spreadsheet that I use to track our spending. With an amped up version for 2014, we were able to lay out and budget all of our bills and our grocery costs for the month. I am absolutely tickled pink that EVERY.SINGLE.CATEGORY on our spread sheet this month is GREEN, meaning we were UNDER budget! To top it off 11 of the categories had a big fat zero next to it!

With all this extra money in our account we sat down and talked about our current debt and financial plans. We agreed to start the journey to "Financial Freedom" by way of Dave Ramsey. Our situation is just slightly different, however, because we are trying to save money for a down payment on a house while paying off debt. With that in mind I created a separate page on our budget spreadsheet to track our progress and keep track of our debt owed.
It looks like this:

I went through and entered what we have in our savings account, all of our credit card debt, student loans, car loans, etc., how much is in our 401k and how much is in Kenley's College Savings account. This gave me a great base to get our game plan set and I will update it each month with the new amounts / balances.

I am so proud to say that after just one no-spend month we were able to check step #1 off our list as well as pay off 2 of our consumer debts {paypal & a credit card}! That debt list and amount is still daunting but even getting two small balances off there felt amazing. We then took the paid off credit card as well as my credit card {which we're still paying off} and put them in an envelope so that we can't use them!

In addition to not spending this month, reaching $1,000 in our emergency fund AND paying off 2 of our debts, we took the very first steps towards buying a house! We now have what I call an "out of sight out of mind" bank account where we are auto-depositing a percent of our income to save for a down payment. This account isn't attached to any of our other accounts, so we can't easily transfer money out of it. As we pay down our debt the plan will be to add that extra money to the house fund!
Next stop....

via

It's really amazing to see how much money we can actually have when we don't spend it on frivolous things. I think we learned a lot this month and I look forward to using this new knowledge in the upcoming month.

To check out other no-spend month related posts, check out my buddy Erin's blog.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Baby Talk :: Marriage After Baby {+ 2 Years!}

MAMAS! Make sure to link up with me every Tuesday to talk about all things BABY!

It's pretty easy, here's the rules:

{1} Write a post on ANYTHING baby related...pregnancy, parenting, products, stories, advice, you name it!

{2} Grab this button and put it somewhere, anywhere in your post!

{3} Publish your post on Tuesday!
{4} Come back and enter your post in the super neat link-up tool found at the bottom of every Baby Talk post.
{5} Check back and read the other blogs who have linked up!

------

Today marks TWO YEARS since the day I married the love of my life.

Part of me feels like we have been married forever and the other part feels like our wedding was just yesterday - I know that really doesn't make any sense, but it's how I feel.

I thought since today is our anniversary it made sense to share what our marriage has been like since having our baby almost a year ago.

My greatest fear when I was pregnant was what would happen to me and Jason after the baby was born {that along with all the other irrational fears you have when you're with child}. Having a baby is a MAJOR life change and I knew it was inevitable that both me and Jason would change, our relationship would change, our priorities would change and pretty much our whole world would change.

Fast forward to the first few weeks of Kenley's life and I was thinking that I was crazy for ever thinking this would be hard, of course having a brand new baby came with it's challenges, but our relationship was better than ever. Jason was incredible. As you all know, I had a bit of a rough recovery and Jason totally picked up the slack. He took such good care of me and such good care of the house so I could spend 100% of the little energy that I had on taking care of our new roommate.

Fast forward a few more months and I was back to normal {read: I could sit without a doughnut and both sides of my face were fully functioning}, I was back at work and our daily routine was in full swing. This was how our life was going to be for the foreseeable future and I felt completely disconnected from my husband. Between working full-time, taking care of the baby, trying to keep the house clean and having a little bit of fun once and a while there was NO Kristin & Jason time. Sure, we'd be home together and maybe watch TV together. But more often than not, I was watching a show and Jason was on the computer. We were in the same room, exchanging small talk but not really connecting. Most nights I would go to bed before Jason because I had to be up early to get myself and the baby ready for our days. To top it off I was so irritable Everything Jason was doing was driving me crazy. Just little dumb things like mixing his Chipotle for what seemed like 10 minutes before taking a bite. I tried SO hard not to nit-pick or nag but sometimes I just couldn't hold it in. I was so irritated most of the time that I didn't even want to be around him and I'm sure Jason was less than thrilled to hang out with me when he couldn't do anything right in my eyes.

Since those earlier days, we've found our rhythm. I think we make a fantastic team. We both have our responsibilities we take care of and the rest we split up. Our day-to-day life is wonderful and thanks to our incredible parents we are able to spend time away from the baby and have some grown up fun. With so many fun plans we have found a lot of our baby-free time is spent with friends, which is wonderful, but it means we have to work that much harder to spend time just the two of us. And in truth, we definitely don't spend enough time with only each other.

We have made some changes, however, to try and maximize our Kristin & Jason time. For example, we try really hard to eat dinner at the table so we can spend that quality time as a family. For the most part, we go to bed at the same time so we can spend some pre-slumber snuggle minutes together. We've also made an effort to spend quality time together after Kenley goes to bed - that usually means snuggling up on the couch and watching a show or a movie but it's a major improvement from being in the same room but not together.

It's not, however, always easy. A marriage takes work and a marriage with a baby takes extra work. Jason and I both have to put in effort to make sure the other is taken care of and feels loved. With so much of our love and attention going towards Kenley it's easy to sort of forget to give each other "hello" kisses or compliment one another or thank each other for the great job we're doing. It's so easy to fall in to your routine and let days or weeks or months go by and not even realize you haven't spent quality time together.

When it's all said and done, the key is effort.

We aren't perfect by any means, not even close. We have our good days and our bad days. But like I said, we're a team. We're both committed to our relationship and hold it as a top priority with our daughter and I think as long as that doesn't change, we'll be good.

and before I go....

To my husband,

Thank you for two amazing years. Thank you for all of the laughs, the support, the inside jokes and fun memories. Thank you for Kenley. Thank you for being the rock of our family and for taking such good care of your girls.

Our wedding day was the best day of my life and I can't imagine another day will ever compare. Not only was it the most fun I've ever had but I got to leave the party with you by my side FOREVER.

Dan Schulze Films on Vimeo.

I love you the most the most the most and can't wait to see what the next 80 million years bring to our lives.

Love,

Your Toot

Baby Talk :: Marriage After Baby {+ 2 Years!}

MAMAS! Make sure to link up with me every Tuesday to talk about all things BABY!

It's pretty easy, here's the rules:

{1} Write a post on ANYTHING baby related...pregnancy, parenting, products, stories, advice, you name it!

{2} Grab this button and put it somewhere, anywhere in your post!

Today marks TWO YEARS since the day I married the love of my life.

www.sara-jayne.com
I thought since today is our anniversary it made sense to share what our marriage has been like since having our baby almost a year ago.

My greatest fear when I was pregnant was what would happen to me and Jason after the baby was born {that along with all the other irrational fears you experience when you're with child}. Having a baby is a MAJOR life change and I knew it was inevitable that both me and Jason would change, our relationship would change, our priorities would change and pretty much our whole world would change.

www.sara-jayne.com

Fast forward a few more months and I was back to normal {read: I could sit without a doughnut and both sides of my face were fully functioning}, I was back at work and our daily routine was in full swing. This was how our life was going to be for the foreseeable future and I felt completely disconnected from my husband. Between working full-time, taking care of the baby, trying to keep the house clean and having a little bit of fun once and a while there was NO Kristin & Jason time. Sure, we'd be home together and maybe watch TV together. But more often than not, I was watching a show and Jason was on the computer. We were in the same room, exchanging small talk but not really connecting. Most nights I would go to bed before Jason because I had to be up early to get myself and the baby ready for our days. To top it off I was so irritable Everything Jason was doing was driving me crazy. Little dumb things like mixing his Chipotle for what seemed like 10 minutes before taking a bite drove me absolutely batty. I tried SO hard not to nit-pick or nag but sometimes I just couldn't hold it in. I was so irritated most of the time that I didn't even want to be around him and I'm sure Jason was less than thrilled to hang out with me when he couldn't do anything right in my eyes.

Since those earlier days, we've found more of a rhythm and I think overall we make a good team. We both have our responsibilities we take care of and the rest we split up. Our day-to-day life is wonderful and thanks to our incredible parents we are able to spend time away from the baby and have some grown up fun. With so many fun plans we have found a lot of our baby-free time is spent with friends, which is wonderful, but it means we have to work that much harder to spend time just the two of us. And in truth, we definitely don't spend enough time with only each other.

We have made some changes, however, to try and maximize our Kristin & Jason time. For example, we try really hard to eat dinner at the table so we can spend that quality time as a family. For the most part, we go to bed at the same time so we can spend some pre-slumber snuggle minutes together. We've also made an effort to spend quality time together after Kenley goes to bed - that usually means snuggling up on the couch and watching a show or a movie but it's a major improvement from being in the same room but not together.

It's not, however, always easy. A marriage takes work and a marriage with a baby takes extra work. Jason and I both have to put in effort to make sure the other is taken care of and feels loved. With so much of our love and attention going towards Kenley it's easy to sort of forget to give each other "hello" kisses or compliment one another or thank each other for the great job we're doing. It's so easy to fall in to your routine and let days or weeks or months go by and not even realize you haven't spent quality time together.

When it's all said and done, the key is effort.

We aren't perfect by any means, not even close. We have our good days and our bad days. But like I said, we're a team. We're both committed to our relationship and hold it as a top priority with our daughter and I think as long as that doesn't change, we'll be good.

and before I go....

To my husband,

Thank you for two amazing years. Thank you for all of the laughs, the support, the inside jokes and fun memories. Thank you for Kenley. Thank you for being the rock of our family and for taking such good care of your girls.

Our wedding day was the best day of my life and I can't imagine another day will ever compare. Not only was it the most fun I've ever had but I got to leave the party with you by my side FOREVER.

Dan Schulze Films on Vimeo.

I love you the most the most the most and can't wait to see what the next 80 million years bring to our lives.

Love,

Your Toot

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The "H" Word.

There's a word that's been looming over our heads for the past several years...

HOUSE.

Jason and I have been renting our townhouse since November 2008 and we love it. We have two floors, two bedrooms, one and a half baths, a pool, a community room perfect for parties, a work out room, a wonderful location and all the perks of renting! Read: when your bathtub starts to leak and all of a sudden there's a giant gaping hole in your downstairs ceiling you call a number, it's repaired in a day and costs a grand total of $0.00.

Our little place is perfect for the four of us.

But, as our family grows {which we are actively taking measures to avoid for at least a couple of years} we will need to move, there just isn't room for another human in our current home.

Plus, it's not ours. We are allowed to paint which I have taken full advantage of but that's about it. I can't get new carpet or expand the kitchen. I can't update the light fixtures or put in crown molding.

I don't want to leave the convenience of renting {or our pool} but I do want a place to make our own.

When I start thinking about owning a home I get all kinds of overwhelmed.

The thought of having to save for a down payment - terrifies me.

The thought of searching for a home - terrifies me.

The thought of getting a lemon or a money pit - terrifies me.

The thought of buying a house with a creepy ghost in it - double terrifies me.

Our current lease is through February 2014 and my guess is we will sign one more either 12 or 15 month lease which puts us in a home probably spring of 2015. So with a little less than two years until home-ownership, where do I start? Start saving? Get pre-qualified? Or do I just create a new Pinterest board for home decorating ideas and just hope for the best?

Seriously though, I am CLUELESS when it comes to this. Do any of you have any good resources to help me calm the F down?

While I wait for your advice I'll just be pinning...

{I wish}

via

{yeah right}

via

{yes please}

via

{genius}

via

{an absolute MUST}

via

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Good In Goodbye

Who has heard the Carrie Underwood song "Good In Goodbye" from her Blown Away album?

If you haven't or if you love it as much as I do...listen to it here:

The first time I heard this song, I got a little teary-eyed.

I'm pretty sure I was pregnant at the time, so that could have been it, but it was also because the lyrics really meant something to me.

{sorry about this Jason, but stick with me until the end}

When I was in college I had a serious boyfriend and was madly in love with him. I thought he was absolutely 100% "the one". But, after a year together and another 6 months of a very difficult long distance relationship, we broke up.

I thought the world was ending.

I have never felt pain like that before. I wouldn't wish that heartbreak on my worst enemy. Our relationship, however, didn't end after our break up. We still talked. We still saw each other when he was home. And we still very much cared for each other which lead to A LOT of emotions, A LOT of confusion and A LOT more heartbreak.

After another couple of years of the back and forth, I decided I needed to move on once and for all, which thanks to a really short but really fun summer relationship I was able to do.

And then, just a few short months later, I was at the 50th birthday party of a very dear family friend. His son was there. His son who I had had a crush on since I was a very little girl.
And that day {November 9, 2007} everything changed.

It's been 5 1/2 years since that party and I have everything I've ever wanted.

I married my best friend.

I have a beautiful baby girl.

I am truly happy.

Jason is my soul mate. I CANNOT imagine my life with anyone else.

So when I hear "Good In Goodbye", I think of my ex-boyfriend, I think of that painful heartbreak and I think about how lucky I am that I experienced it all because it made me ready to love Jason with all of my heart.

"As bad as it was. As bad as it hurt. I thank God I didn't get what I thought I deserved. Sometimes life leads you down a different road. When you're holding on to someone that you've got to let go. Someday you'll see the reason why...there's good in goodbye."

I don't really know what the point of this post was...but the song came on and I love it. But also, it's nice to remind myself sometimes that God has a plan and everything happens for a reason. Whether you're going through a heartbreak, an illness or family drama, no matter what it may be, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will come out stronger and happier and realize that the struggle was worth it.

annnnnd, stepping down from my soapbox.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Living Like a Cavewoman

You might as well call me Wilma Flinstone because I am living like a cavewoman....

...about two months ago Jason and I cancelled our cable.

Originally, it wasn't intentional. We decided to make the switch from Comcast to DirectTV so we canceled our cable and set up an appointment to get new cable re-installed. What we didn't realize is that our townhouse association doesn't let us put satellites on our roof and our balcony faces the wrong direction to pick up the DirectTV (and Dish Network) signal.

After a couple of days living without cable we decided to just take some time off. If you know me, you know that this decision was a BIG deal! "Let's just live without cable" coming from the girl who had to get a second DVR to have space for all of the shows she recorded. Needless to say, I didn't think I'd survive without my DVR, but here we are two months later and I'm still breathing!

And, in fact, I kind of LOVE not having cable. Jason and I are so much more productive. We spend more time together in a capacity other than in front of the TV. Plus, we get so much done! Instead of vegging out on the weekends we actually clean the house, or go for family walks or get out and about. We've also been eating all of our meals at the kitchen table instead of in front of the TV...it's pretty wonderful!

We have a Playstation 3 and have both Netflix and Hulu subscriptions to keep us entertained and we also bought a connection for our iPad so that we can stream sporting events from the iPad to the TV. So we're not complete Cavepeople. I'm considering getting rid of Hulu though....I've only watched it once in the past two months and it kind of drives me crazy. What are your thoughts on Hulu?

Sometimes it's inconvenient and sometimes I do really miss some of the shows I used to watch but saving all that money every month and having all that extra time to spend with my family is really great. We both agreed that we will probably need to get cable before football season starts but at least for the summer we'll be without it and it's pretty liberating!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Baby Talk :: A Day In the Life

Happy Tuesday people!
It's time for my weekly Link Up...BABY TALK!

I LOVE reading about the daily routines of moms. When I was pregnant I was so fascinated by and curious about what life with a baby was really like. I don't think anything can really prepare you for life with a new baby, but I found comfort in knowing that eventually (even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it) life will settle in to a routine and it really will....I promise!

Not all moms are the same and not all babies are the same, so obviously not all routines are the same. Not only that, routines can vary drastically from day to day. Even so, I want to share a typical day in our daily life to maybe help you new mamas and mamas-to-be. Our routine changes day-to-day because Jason's work schedule is kind of random, and things are pretty different for us on the weekends and on Fridays when I am home with Kenley. But, this is pretty much a standard week day and the basis for the rest of our days as well.

6:15am: My alarm goes off.

I start my day by hitting the restroom, throwing on some sweatpants and then getting my baby! Most days she is awake and waiting for me, others I have to wake her up (this will usually depend on what time she goes to bed the night before).

I give her 80 million kisses, change her diaper, get her dressed for the day and then feed her.

It doesn't matter how early it is or how badly I want to still be sleeping...seeing that little face first thing makes every day so much better.

Once Kenley is all taken care of, it's time to get myself ready. Kens will either hang with her dad or chill in her bumbo and watch me get ready. She is fascinated by teeth brushing!

After I'm ready to go, I put bottles in to the diaper bag and make sure that my pump bag is packed with empty bottles and all of my pump supplies. Next is probably the most interesting part of our day....getting out the door. Jason always helps me pack up and load the massive amounts of stuff we need in to my car.

my laptop, my pump, my purse, the diaper bag, Kenley's bed, play mat & bumbo, the puggle (she gets to go to daycare too) and, of course, the baby.

When everything goes according to plan (which is rarely) we're out the door between 7:15-7:30am.

Depending on the day, Kenley goes to either my dad & step-mom's, my mom's or J's dad & step-moms. Then every once and while she'll spend the day with her Auntie Natalie. It's a lot to keep track of, but we are so grateful to have family willing to help us!
Kenley is dropped off at one of her many daycares and I am on the road to work by 7:30-7:45ish.

I make a quick stop at Starbucks (not every day, but a lot of days) and am at the office at 8:00am, err more like 8:15am.

I work from 8:00am-5:00pm and pump at 10:00am, 12:30pm and 3:00pm.

I've been having some problems with my supply lately, but that's a story for another day. Kenley goes through three 5oz bottles a day at "daycare" so I pump what I can and send her with formula for the rest.

While at day care Kenley follows a eat, sleep, play schedule. She usually takes two naps during the day, a long one (2-3 hours) in the morning and a short one (30 minutes-an hour) in the afternoon. And, like I mentioned, will eat 3 bottles.

Happy girl at "daycare".

Depending on traffic I get home between 5:15 and 5:30pm, and Jason is already home with Kenley. Right when I walk in the door I label and store my breast milk and clean my pumping supplies (otherwise I forget and there is nothing worse than wasted breast milk).

Now I can finally squeeze my little Kenny! I usually change in to sweatpants and then will start dinner. I'll do as much of dinner as I can before Kenley cries, then I feed Kenny while Jason finishes dinner. We've been eating dinner at the table as a family lately and I LOVE it!

Now that is FINALLY nice out, I want to start adding walks around the neighborhood in to our routines....I'm thinking after dinner will be the perfect time!

After dinner, we'll play with Kenley {activity mat, singing songs, making noises, reading books, etc} until she starts showing signs she's ready for bed.

I start Kenley's bedtime routine sometime between 7pm and 8pm depending on her mood. While I'm getting Kenley's jammies ready and stripping her down, Jason will fill the tub and get everything ready for bath time!

This is Kenley's favorite part of the day! No matter how tired or cranky she is, she will instantly cheer up when it's bath time!

While I'm getting Kenley ready for bed, Jason will clean up our dinner and do all of the dishes, clean the day's bottles and run the dishwasher, which is SO helpful!

After Kenley is all squeaky clean and in her jammies we will rock in our glider and she will eat, I'll tell her stories or sing her songs and we snuggle. This is my absolute favorite part of every day.

Once those little eyes start to look tired, I put Kenley in her crib, turn on the sleep sheep, give her a bobo {pacifier}, give her a kiss and thank God for giving her to me and ask Him to keep her safe.

Once Kenley is in bed, it's my turn to shower. The mornings are pretty busy as it is so unless I want to wake up at 5am {which I don't}, I shower at night. After my shower, I get everything ready for the next day...I have found this to be absolutely crucial for getting out the door in any kind of timely fashion - I get bottles ready, empty dirty clothes and any other items from Kenley's diaper bag and re-pack it with a clean outfit, bib and burp cloth and will make sure it's stocked full of diapers & wipes. I make sure I have everything I need for my pump and prep/organize my lunch for the next day.

FINALLY I can take a load off and spend some time with my hubby.

We are usually in bed sometime between 10-11pm and I'll sneak in a quick episode of Gossip Girl on the iPad and then get some sleep so I can wake up and do it all again the next day!

Whew! It seems like SO much when I type it all out but this has become or normal. Being a working mom definitely poses some challenges and requires some extra work and organization but it's been going great for us and I am so grateful we've fallen in to a routine which seems to be working for everyone.

Don't forget that every Tuesday is the Baby Talk link up!
Join in and share a post on anything pregnancy, baby, or parenthood related!