829

A dear family friend directed me toward this piece on Motherhood that I absolutely loved and wanted to share with all of you. I think all of us mom's have experienced our fair share of foot-in-the-mouth moments when it comes to our little ones - I sure have! "I want a natural childbirth" is the first that comes to mind. "I will never give my baby formula" is another big one. We all set out with good intentions and big plans for what kind of mom we will be and what kind of kids we will raise, but when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how much you plan or how many promises you make yourself, sometimes you just have to eat your words.

ENJOY!

829

Now I don’t mean to brag, but right before I got pregnant, I was in pretty good shape. I made sure I was. It was part of my plan. I am a big big fan of plans. 

Because if I was in good shape to start with, then I would be right on track to start working out two weeks after birth and be back in perfect shape by the time my child was 6 months old. 

Friends who were already deep in the love-filled trenches of motherhood gently warned me “that’s not really how it works”. But I laughed, knowingly. They weren’t me. As with all things in life and in the universe, I knew more than most. 

Well, some of you out there didn’t know me then. You look at me now and think my master plan worked perfectly. I did prove all my friends wrong. Or maybe the bar wasn’t set too high in those naive pre-child days, thus allowing success to come quickly and easily. For those of you who did know me then, you know or you can see, my plan was foiled. 

Is it from eating all the of left-over macaroni and cheese I said I would never serve my child?

Is it from eating entire bags of Rip -L Chips washed down with can after can of Guinness in attempts to reclaim nerves that are frayed from  mentally arm-wrestling 42 inches of feisty redhead?

No. And no.

I stand here now, a result of spending the last 5 years eating my words. And here are 829 of them.

I will not talk endlessly about being pregnant.

I will not use the phrase “we are pregnant”

I will not tell people sordid details about my last prenatal check up.

I will not rub my belly in business meetings

I will not burp unconsciously and repeatedly like my dear grandma Lunny.

I will not get lost on the way to the grocery store.

I will work out 2 weeks after delivery.

I will be in great shape 6 months after delivery.

I will not let having a child change my life drastically.

I will never buy sensible underwear. 

I will not wear maternity clothes.

I will not wear maternity clothes until my daughter is 2 months old.

I will not expose my boobs in public.

I will not be possessed by psychotic hormones.

I will not approach hysteria explaining my need to purchase 36 rolls of paper towels before the baby comes.

I will not let my child eat in the car.

I will not let my child eat junk food.

I will not let my child watch tv.

I will not let my child eat junk food in front of the tv in the car.

I will never let my Tupperware cupboard become disorganized

I will not have a messy car.

I will not have toys on the front yard

My child will have no plastic toys.

I will only have 3 toys on the first floor of our house

I will not talk endlessly about my child.

I will not see a friends dismay over a bad breakup as a perfect segue to my child’s latest accomplishment.

I will not clap in the bathroom.

I will not talk to my child while I’m on the phone.

I will not put my pre-verbal child on the phone.

I will never feed my child anything but organic.

I will make all the organic food from scratch.

I will not feed my child mac n cheese.

I will not feed my child hot dogs.

I will not feed my child fast food.

I will not let my child drink juice.

I will not let my child drink pop.

I will not let my child drink water out of a bowl on the floor.

No video games, ever. 

No kid’s singing pop songs, ever

I will never swear in front of my child.

I will never swear in front of my child in front of other parents.

My child will always have combed hair.

My child will never go to school with food on their face.

I will not be bossed around by a 1 year old.

I will never have stains on my furniture.

I will not be bossed around by a two year old.

I will never understand the attraction of mother’s little helper.

I will not be bossed around by a three year old.

I will not bribe my child.

I will not be bossed around by a four year old.

I will never willingly catch barf in my hands.

I will never not gag at the sight sound and smell of barf, just because it made someone feel better.

I would rather be awake with a crying baby than insomnia.

It won’t be a big deal if I can’t nurse.

I will not tell my mother she was right.

I will not tell my sister she was right.

I will not tell my other sister she was right.

I will not tell my friends they were right.

I will never contradict my husbands parenting in front of our child.

I will not tell my husband he was right.

We will not get a puppy until Eliza is way older.

We will not get a little dog.

I will never talk baby talk to a pet.

I will not have a girly girl.

I will not leave the house in my pajamas.

I will not buy a can of coconut milk to avoid a tantrum in aisle 3 of lunds.

I will not learn the names of the Disney princesses.

The Wiggles will never be seen on our tv.

I will never scream “because I said so.”

I will never scream “knock it the hell off”

I will never scream on our front lawn.

I will never lick the dirt off a sucker and stick it back in my kids mouth.

I’ll never understand what new mom’s have to cry over.

I am not affected by hormones.

I will not let my house be overrun with my child’s art.

I will not think every little scribble is precious.

I will not attend a parenting class.

I will not become friends with people in a parenting class.

I will not call my mom to ask for advice.

I will not let our daughter sleep in our bed.

I will not overbook my child’s time.

I will not stress over school when my child is 2.

I will not think it’s funny when my child knows the lyrics to dirty  songs. 

So that’s it. Far from a short list. But by no means a complete list. Just the ones my frail ego will allow me to recall as of today. Because when it comes to eating my words, my appetite isn’t what you would call dainty. But I have left a few on the plate.

I will never own mom brand jeans.

I won’t be an over-articulater with kids

I will never use “momming it” in sentences

I don’t find parenthood common bond enough to induce friendship.

I don’t now, nor will I ever own a mini-van

I won’t dress my child in attitude t-shirts.

I will not become one of those parents I now mock.

I will not become one of those pet owners I now mock.

I won’t assume other people at coffee shops or restaurants would be charmed by my daughters presence at their table.

I will never be an psychotic sideliner at my daughter’s sporting events.

I will not freak out if my daughter wants to someday move to Europe.

I will allow my daughter to make the same mistakes I did, because I turned out just fine.

Nope. I haven’t eaten these words. Not yet anyway. The ones I’ve already eaten have given me a bit of mental indigestion. And come to think of it, maybe that’s why, after 83 years, my grandma Lunny burped so much.

Original post from www.greadco.com.

Link up with me every Tuesday...all you have to do is post anything baby related, add this button to your post and then link up using the fancy tool below!

Aromi Makeup Giveaway!!!

Happy Monday my friends. I am here today to brighten up your Monday! 

First a quick back story. When I was a freshman in college I went to a informal recruitment event for the sorority that my best friend had just joined. I wasn't really in to the whole sorority thing but all the stuff she told me sounded really cool and fun so I gave it a shot. I met a bunch of girls from the house, one of which was a super gorgeous, kind of shy, uber girly blonde girl named Hannah. I eventually joined the house and that Hannah girl became one of my closest friends. Hannah actually got me to wear colored clothing and flowers and stuff - something I definitely did not do until meeting her. 

circa 2004

After college Hannah started working for a local company called Illume Candles, there she formulated fragrances and candles as well as products for well-known beauty brands. She started to make and sell her own products and soon it turned into a business called Aromi.

Hannah literally creates her own fragrances, lipsticks, lip glosses, and eye shadows in her very own lab! Is that not the coolest thing EVER? It blows my mind that I have a friend smart enough to know how to do this...and to do an amazing job at it. 

A few of months ago, Hannah left her job at Illume to pursue her dream of creating and selling Aromi products full time. We recently met up for coffee to catch up and she was sweet enough to bring me a goody bag full of her products to try. But the best part is that she also offered to give the same goody bag to one of my readers!!! 

So here's the scoop, all Aromi cosmetics are formulated from scratch, handcrafted in the Aromi Lab {right here in Minneapolis} and are made with the finest ingredients available. All the cosmetics are vegan {no animal derived ingreients}, cruelty-free {no animal testing}, and are all gluten free! Hannah uses a natural preservative in the lipstick and lip gloss which is a healthy alternative to parabens or formaldehyde-based preservatives commonly used in cosmetics. She uses organic raw materials whenever possible and likes to use a lot of plant-based materials whenever possible. As awesome as all of that is...here's what you really need to know - the products are amazing. I am pretty addicted to the lipstick and the solid perfume Hannah gave me. The perfumes smells so clean and fresh without being overpowering. And the lipstick, it's so soft and goes on really smooth. It also lasts forever which I appreciate because I am super bad at remembering to reapply. I have been using the Merlot lipstick with the Pink gloss over it and absolutely LOVE it! 

So here is what one of you lucky readers is going to win:

THREE Aromi Lipsticks in shades Crimson, Merlot and Jacqueminot

TWO Aromi Lip Glosses in shades Pink and Burgundy

-and-

TWO Aromi Fragrances; one Amazing solid perfume and one Very Manly cologne for the boy in your life.

Hannah is also offering ALL of my readers 20% off all of her products! All you need to do is visit www.aromibeauty.com and enter the code "MAMA&MOU" when you check out! Everyone needs a little extra color during the holidays! What a perfect gift OR treat yourself to a little stocking stuffer!
You won't regret it!

ENTER HERE:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

My Birth Story {written by my mama ♥}

Today is my 29th birthday. Today is the first day of the last year of my 20's. 1 year from today I'll be 30.
WHAT IN THE HECK?

I've heard the story of how I was born a million times, but when my mom offered to write my birth story I was all about it! It was so fun getting this story from my mom and hearing some details I don't think I've heard before. So sit back and enjoy as my mom recaps what she remembers about what was surely the best day of her life.

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Labor and delivery has not really changed much since I had my babies in the 80’s.

It still hurts, you are worried about ten fingers and ten toes, you can have an epidural, relaxants or nothing at all.  What has changed are these gender reveal parties.  I didn’t even have an ultrasound with Kristin so her gender was kept a secret to us all.

I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy for the most part, other than the fact that I was growing a human in my belly.  When I was about six months along my ob-gyn, who I had been seeing for years, passed away suddenly from a heart attack.  How could I do this without Dr. Henry?   I was heartbroken over the loss but had to start seeing another doctor from the practice.  In walks Dr. Hardy to console me and that was it, another wonderful doctor.  Little did I know that actually having Dr. Hardy on call when I was ready to deliver was a crap shoot.

My due date was December 5^th 1984 which came and went with nothing happening.  As with most first time mamas, I thought that everything I felt had to be a contraction and the mystery of it made me crazy.  I did what other mothers told me to do; walk, have sex, drink a glass of wine, go up and down stairs and jump around a bit.  None of which got anything started but I did enjoy that glass of wine!

After my due date had come and gone, Dr. Hardy suggested inducing labor as he was concerned about my measurements and the possibility of me being able to deliver an 8 lb baby. I checked into St. Luke’s Hospital (which was in the heart of downtown Denver) that’s my mom’s nice way of saying “the ghetto” on Monday, December 10^th at 6:00 pm.  This was not the hospital I had planned on, but at that time inducing a pregnancy was considered "high risk" so I was moved to a different hospital and I was not happy about the change or the pitocin. I was over being pregnant and wanted to meet my baby so I had no choice but to accept it.  I was all comfortable in my hospital bed and hooked up to the IV but unfortunately my nurse forgot to start the pitocin.  I am laying there thinking “this labor thing is a piece of cake.”  Well it was without the pitocin!  My night nurse figured out the error and finally started the labor inducing drug.  The pitocin started uncomfortable contractions but I wasn't yet in active labor.

By Tuesday morning on December 11th, I was still having contractions but they weren’t all that bad.  I was a little tired but ready to push when called upon to do so. That evening comes along and my water was still intact and my nurses were very surprised to still see me there.  This kid was not going to come until she felt like it.  When Kris was little and I would ask her what the holdup was she would always say “I was playing Go Fish”.

It was right around midnight, I was alone in my room watching The Gong Show and good God this is finally what labor feels like!  By morning my best friend, Sherri, and Kristin’s dad, Tom, were with me and trying to be helpful. They kept telling me to breathe and I can remember thinking, “easy for you to say.”  I was hurting so bad I would hold my breath during the contractions and I was not prepared for back labor!  I began to beg for an epidural which I should have done a long time ago, but it was too late.  I did receive a nice relaxant which chilled me ever so slightly and then my doctor said "this baby is coming." I still remember his voice as he said those beautiful words.

I was a former gymnast and had abs to die for when I got pregnant, I figured I should have been able to pop the baby out in one push.  Not-so-much. After several hours of pushing the doctor wanted to do a C-section as Kristin’s neck was tilted in the birth canal.  I was hell bent on delivering this child and did not want a C-Section unless absolutely necessary.   I was exhausted and my eye lids were swollen but surprisingly my baby doll was not in distress.  I was moved to the delivery room which was basically a sterile cold place, nothing like the birthing rooms we have today. The rest is a bit of a blur but I remember her cry, holding her for the first time and feeling nothing but relief.

My perfect baby girl, Kristin Nicole, arrived at 3:41 pm on 12/12/84.  The mama love was instant and my life was forever changed.  A feeling Kris now knows herself.

to submit your birth story, email me at mamaandmou@gmail.com


And one more thing before I go and start drinking birthday martinis...I am guest blogging over at Confessions of a Northern Belle today!

It's my buddy Caitlin's due date so I'm sharing my experience/wisdom on "Waiting for Baby". 
GO CHECK IT OUT! 

Two-Nine

Today marks the first day of the last year in my twenties. 

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? 

I've been around 29 years already and somehow I still get confused easily.

uhhhh duhhhh.

No matter how old I get, I will always want to feel fancy on my birthday.

It's my party and I'll eat my cereal on the floor in front of the TV if I want to.

{and yes, I still do this} 

I've had 28 birthdays before this one and I still don't like frosting...so don't bother making/buying me a cake.

It's been 8 years since my 21st birthday but I can still hang with the boys.

No matter how old you are, you are NEVER too old to celebrate your birthday on a bus painted like a cheetah. 

Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack cuz when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back. 

And I'll that's all I can come with today. I'm off to go do stuff 29 year olds do. 

Have a lovely day. 

Christmas Pajama Party!

One of the traditions from Jason's family that I am really excited to incorporate into our own holiday tradition is opening jammies on Christmas Eve. Every year my mother-in-law gifts everyone in the family some new jammies then everyone changes into them and spends the rest of the night all snuggly watching Christmas movies. When I saw that some of my favorite bloggers were hosting a lil pajama party I knew it was the perfect opportunity to show off Kenley's Christmas and Christmas Eve jammies before wrapping them up and putting them under the tree. 

I don't know what you mamas do to get your kids to sit still and pose in their outfits but you must be drugging them. I spent and hour of my day taking about 60 photos using Mickey Mouse, food, and sparkly stockings as bribery and I didn't get a single smile, not to mention a normal looking photo. Thankfully, the kid is pretty stinkin' cute in her jammies anyways. 

Then, of course, once the jammies come off and the camera is put away she moseys over to the tree and looks absolutely adorable. Thankfully the camera is never too far out of reach. 

Make sure to link up with me every Tuesday for BABY TALK! Just write a post about anything pregnancy, childbirth or parenting related and link it up with the fancy link up tool found below! 

And don't forget to include by Baby Talk button in your post!