Infertility Awareness Week!

It's Tuesday and it's time for....

Here's what you do:
1. Write a post about ANYTHING baby {or pregnancy} related.
2. Add my button to your post.
3. Link your post with the link-up tool found at the end of all of my posts.
EASY PEASY! 

Today I am honored and excited to have Lauren {better known as LO to me and the MN Blogger posse}from our crazy ever after here to share her story with infertility. I know more couples than I care to count who have dealt with or are currently dealing with infertility in some capacity. I love and admire so much that LO is is not quietly fighting her battle. She is sharing it all! And while I'm sure it's difficult to do, she is using her experience to educate others and also encourage other couples dealing with infertility to speak up! It's OK to share your journey and your disappointment and your heartache because it's only then that you are able to find support from others who know exactly how you are feeling. LO has an incredible outlook and incredible attitude and shares all her trials and tribulations with a humor that always has me chuckling out loud. She really is an inspiration and I am so honored that she is sharing her story with all of you today!  

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Hello to all you hot mamas out there. Or hot mamas in the making. I'm Lauren, and I'd like to consider myself one of the latter. I've been trying ever so hard to become a mom for over two years now. And it's just not working. There have been countless doctor appointments. Shots. Sterile cups of sperm. Inseminations. Empty bank accounts. My period arriving like clockwork. More shots (maybe tequila, maybe not). Tears. Screaming. Sadness. Anger. Oh yeah, and hope. I still have that. I honestly don't think I'd be able to share my story if I didn't have hope.

That's Jesse and I the first time we saw each other on our wedding day. I love that man so much. Little did I know exactly a year after this picture was taken, on our one year anniversary, that Jesse and I would be sitting in the office of a reproductive endocrinologist. It would be confirmed that our dreams of having babies wouldn't be realized as easily as we'd desired. Don't worry, we still celebrated our one year anniversary with greasy, delicious burgers at the 5-8 Club after the appointment. I went through a flood of emotions throughout our second year of marriage. I was angry a lot. My friendships changed. People I loved so dearly began to go on to do life in a way I wanted to do life. I was jealous. Being around friends with easily conceived babies was virtually impossible. I felt misunderstood, almost like people thought I was overreacting. I heard every cliche statement imaginable. Maybe it's stress!? You could adopt! Go on a vacation and then you'll get pregnant! Of course I wanted to be gracious, and field their well meant advice with a smile. It got hard, and so I just avoided people like a plague.

The first year after we were diagnosed we did seven medicated cycles, with five of those being IUIs. I like to refer to this year as the time we went buck wild for our baby. What's an IUI, you ask? It's this super romantic procedure where you basically have a threesome with your nurse. Wait, what? The nurse is in the room so she can shoot Jesse's sperm through my cervix with this long catheter thingy. It's definitely NOT romantic, and definitely NOT how one plans to create life. After each failed cycle, I was losing more and more hope. Our doctors wanted us to stop with the IUIs and jump to IVF, something we didn't, and still don't have the money for. IVF can cost anywhere from $13,000-$30,000, but the success rates for a couple with our diagnosis is more than 60%. We ain't poor, but we definitely don't have the dollar bills for that right now. And yes, it sucks that money is basically the one thing getting in the way of me becoming a mom and Jesse a dad.

Finally by November of this last year, we'd had enough, and decided to take a break from treatments. I was weighing in a whopping 20 pounds heavier (can we call that baby weight?) and the hormones I shot myself up with made me super crazy. So crazy that I am convinced Jesse was searching for a one way plane ticket to Canada, and his coo coo loco wife was not invited. I honestly felt robbed of those first precious years of marriage with my husband, and that's why for the last several months we've been trying our best to reclaim our marriage. To remove the infertility blinders, and embrace and cherish what we have until we can more aggressively pursue treatments. We're choosing joy right now. I strive to live my life everyday so that when I do have children, they would be proud of how cool their mom and dad were before they were born. Look at those cool future parents down there, just hanging out in the liquor store. Holla!

I never thought I could be so passionate about something I hate so much. I never realized I could feel a deep connection with women who were experiencing the same thing I was. I discovered an entire blogging community with the same dreams and desires. We support one another. We vent on the tough days. We cry when a cycle fails, and we rejoice when one of us finally sees those two precious, pink lines. The women I have met through this journey have been my silver lining. They make infertility suck just a little less.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I am so honored that Kristin, a fellow Minnesota blogger, is opening up her blog to me today. She's letting me share my version of Baby Talk. This year's theme is resolve to know more. Kristin is doing that by allowing the voice of an infertile to be heard on her blog. Thank you so, so much for listening. If you or someone you know is struggling, please don't hesitate to reach out. You are not alone. You are loved. And you matter.

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I want to be sure to mention that while LO and Jesse are enjoying their marriage and "choosing joy" they have also created a fantastic business to help them become the wonderful parents I know they are destined to be. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check out Jbaby Rags on Etsy to shop for adorbale burp cloths and bibs handmade by LO & Jesse! All of the profits go to help them get their miracle! 

be sure to visit my friend:

ENDOMETRIOSIS

March is National Endometriosis Awareness Month and I wanted to use it as an opportunity to share my journey with the disease and also do my part to raise awareness - of course I couldn't get my act together enough to write this during Endometriosis Awareness Month, but I'm close enough right?

For those of you who are unfamiliar with endometriosis....time to get educated! This is a disease that affects 176 million women worldwide {aka 10% of women in their reproductive years, aka A LOT} and the lack of knowledge that women have on endometriosis is frightening. So do me, yourself, your daughters, sisters and friends a favor and read this.

Let's start with a nice lengthy explanation compliments of WomensHealth.gov:

Endometriosis gets it's name from "endometrium" which is the tissue that lines the uterus. During your period, this tissue comes out but in the instance of endometriosis it instead grows outside of the uterus on other organs or structures in the body.  The most common symptom of endometriosis is pain in the lower abdomen or pelvis, or the lower back, mainly during menstrual periods. The amount of pain a woman feels does not depend on how much endometriosis she has. Some women have no pain, even though their disease affects large areas. Other women with endometriosis have severe pain even though they have only a few small growths. Other symptoms may include chronic pain in the lower back, pain during or after sex, intestinal pain, painful bowel movements or urination, spotting or bleeding between periods, infertility, fatigue.

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I have been struggling with endometriosis since I was 15. My journey began my sophomore year of high school when I started to have extreme pain in the right side of my abdomen. Sometimes it came during my period, sometimes it just came. The pain was excruciating. I used to explain it to my mom as being stabbed constantly with a thousand little knives. The pain was so bad I would often throw up, be immobilized and sometimes be on the verge of fainting (luckily I never actually fainted, but boy would I get light headed).

Thankfully, my mom was smart enough to realize that this pain wasn't just "bad cramps" and brought me to the gynecologist to get checked out. My doctor first put me on birth control, the common "fix" for really bad period cramps, but she was also diligent enough to do other tests (something I have since learned is rare). She did an ultrasound to see if maybe I had a cyst. I was cyst free. After a few months on birth control the pain was not subsiding, My doctor (fun fact: same doctor to deliver Kenley) then informed me of the possibility of endometriosis. Unfortunately, there is only one way to correctly diagnose endometriosis, and that is via laparoscopy (a surgery that uses a thin, lighted tube put through an incision in the belly to look at the abdominal organs).

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 The thought of surgery scared the crap out of me, but the thought of continuing with the pain scared me even more. My doctor performed a laparoscopy and determined that I did in fact have nodules on the right side of my uterus. While performing the surgery she was able to cauterize the visible cells in hopes of completely removing the endometriosis.

For months after the surgery I felt great! But then, the pain came back. Turns out those damn cells can be so small that the doctors can't see them, so even though my doctor removed everything she could see....there were still more. Apart from a laparoscopy, endometriosis can be cured by a hysterectomy or hormonal treatments. Since there was no way in hell I was having a hysterectomy at 16 years old, I opted for the hormonal treatment. Every month for six months I received a shot of Lupron, which is a hormone that puts your body through menopause. That's right girls, I've been through menopause {twice!}.

I felt GREAT on the Lupron. No cramps, no PMS, no zits, nada! It was amazing! The shots sucked in a big way but they made me feel great! For nearly two years after the shots I felt amazing and had no pain. Then, my freshman year of college the pain returned, and I once again did the Lupron shots. Let me just tell you that sitting in a crowded lecture hall in the middle of winter when everyone is wearing layers and I am in a tank top because of hot flashes is a college memory I will never forget.

Ever since the second round of Lupron shots (in 2008), I have been doing great. There have been occasions where I have experienced extreme pain again, but it's been random and not severe enough where I've felt the need to seek help. Usually around the time of my period I get a sort of numb pain in my right side, sort of an annoying reminder, but I don't know for sure if that feeling is from endometriosis that still exists in there or if it's the scar tissue from my surgery. The scar tissue definitely gave me some trouble during pregnancy because as I grew the tissue stretched - so imagine round ligament pain on steroids...not fun.

After my surgery, my doctor told me I shouldn't have problems conceiving, but until I tried I wouldn't know. Imagine the conversations I had to have with my boyfriends as a young adult explaining that I may or may not be able to have babies. Thankfully, Jason is amazing and loves me unconditionally and simply answered me with "then we'll adopt." Thankfully we were blessed with our Kenley but I am lucky that I was educated enough about the disease and knew that I had it, so that I was able to have that conversation. Many women don't know they have endometriosis until they can't conceive. In fact, endometriosis is one of the top three causes of female infertility. While it is one of most treatable it remains the most untreated!

Up until I had it, I had never even heard about endometriosis and to this day when I tell people I have it, they have no idea what I'm talking about! Without an incredible mom and an incredible doctor I may have gone on thinking I had bad cramps, and who knows how bad it would have gotten. There needs to be education on endometriosis! I think it should be added to the Sexual Education programs in schools. When girls are learning about menstruation they should be learning about endometriosis! Yes, periods can be painful and uncomfortable but not to the point where you're throwing up and can't move. Parents, teachers and even doctors need to be aware of the symptoms and severity of the disease so it can be treated early on, before it becomes a life changing problem.

I was thrilled when I heard of celebrities such as Julianne Hough, Padma Lakshmi and Jillian Michaels coming out and publicly sharing their experiences with endometriosis.

In fact, Padma was so passionate about spreading awareness she co-founded The Endometriosis Foundation of America.

The Endometriosis Foundation of America strives to increase disease recognition, provide advocacy, facilitate expert surgical training, and fund landmark endometriosis research. Engaged in a robust campaign to inform both the medical community and the public, the EFA places particular emphasis on the critical importance of early diagnosis and effective intervention while simultaneously providing education to the next generation of medical professionals and their patients.

Friends, please be aware of this disease and educate yourself. Our generation needs to spread the word so we can protect ourselves and our daughters!

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